Promises, Promises, Promises – Get to no.1 in Google in 5 minutes for ANY keyword!


Wow! Wouldn’t that be a fantastic headline to read? Just imagine, your site goes live one minute and the next you up there in the top spot raking in the sales and counting the cash. Fantastic.

If only it were that easy!

Recently we have been inundated with spam SEO emails offering us SEO services. Now, two things strike me about this. Firstly, as an SEO company ourselves are they not targeting the wrong people and secondly, how can they get away with such outrageous claims?

So who on earth are the fabulous companies who can deliver so much in so short a time and why don’t we just use them instead of using our own time and resources to optimise our site?

Comedy SEO Promises

The reason we do use our own time and resources is this: Just about every e-mail that comes through ‘guarantees’ result and positions. We know from experience that this is impossible. PoLR is not in control of the search engines any more than any other SEO company so we know that there are no guarantees. Why would we put our trust and company’s reputation in a company that doesn’t understand this basic fact?

To highlight the kind of comment I am talking about I thought it would be fun to share with you a selection of SEO emails, guarantees and promises we have received over the course of a week.

Fast Indexing :

“Your site – – has similar characteristics to some of our most successful publishers (for example, we are seeing that has several pages indexed in Google). Because of this, you should be able to earn a lot of revenue by using our ******* Premium ad program.”

I’m well impressed. ‘SEVERAL pages’ have been indexed by Google. At least I know I’m doing something right.

Guaranteed unique Visits :

“How would You like to divert 1000s of fresh, new visitors daily to Your web site or affiliate web site from Google, Yahoo, MSN and others At $0 cost to you…?”

– Yes please! No cost? No catch? Who would say no to this?

Huge Traffic volumes and Top Position (all from one email) :

“If I assist you to achieve at least 4 times more INTERNET traffic to your website by getting you to the top of the search engines would you be interested?”

“Our internet marketing company is ranked on the first page when you search on Google for our primary search phrase “SEO Company.” We would like to do the same for your Company’s website ”

– I would love to check this out for myself unfortunately they have not mentioned anywhere in their email what their company name is. Oh, here’s an idea, why don’t I type SEO Company into Google and contact the first company that appears?

“ Guaranteed increase in traffic”

– The thing I loved about this email is that they caught our attention and had us reading the email through putting one of our clients web addresses in the subject. How sneaky smart is that?

Please Note: Company names have been **** out to avoid finger pointing! Also, please note that this is for fun, we don’t in any way agree or condone any of the above statements and if you want to know about realistic, ethical and organic SEO then contact PoLR.

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  1. I echo these thoughts entirely. There are far too many companies out there offering results that we’d all love to achieve in the SEO sphere but are of course, way too optimistic. Of course, most of us, in the early days are unaware of this and many of us do indeed part with good, hard earned money and end up getting next to zero results until we realize where we have gone wrong.

    As with most things in life, nothing comes without a price and this includes being successful with our SEO efforts. With a sensible, modest monetary outlay and a fair bit of time researching how SEO operates, it is indeed possible to achieve very desirable results. This is where many folk will fall down – hoping to achieve immediate results upon payment of a large sum to a company promising everything. It rarely, if ever, works.

    Take some time to learn the art yourself and with the correct guidance from some hand picked experts, you really can be surprised at the results you can achieve. I am reasonably new to the area of SEO and my website – Global Lottery Review – being barely 5 months old – is achieving a unique visitor count of just under 200 per day.

    I am no expert of course, but have been told that this is a good figure to be achieving for such a young website that explains to the world how eLottery works.

    • admin
    • 19th October 2008

    Thanks everyone for your replies. This post really was the fruit of far too many sales calls and emails promising crazy results for peanuts. I wanted to highlight how silly they were and how they set unrealistic goals for good, honest SEO’s!

    • Jim
    • 14th October 2008

    I think these companies that promise the earth are the ones to be wary of. A good company offering SEO should be able to project a realistic timescale for success and to the extent this will be possible.
    @ Eurmillions – I can cetrainly see you’ve put the effort in and seen some successes through trial and error and (I’m guessing) a lot of hours sat at the computer – good work!
    My problem was that I don’t have the time to take out to sit down and do this on a regular basis, the most profitable option for me was to find a good SEO with a realistic and strategic objective specific to my website that brings the return on investment I’m looking for.
    I would never trust these ‘overnight success’ companies and I don’t have the time, skill nor inclination to sit down and do it myself.

  2. When I first started out in SEO land 2.5 years ago I paid money to companies who promised the world and soon realised that I was just throwing good money away. I decided to learn the process from scratch and do it all my self. I did a lot of indepth keyword research and then built my web pages around the profitable keywords in my industry sector. Along side this I started back linking doing my best to procure links from themed sites and then linked back to the relevant pages within my site using correct anchor text (the appropriate page keyword I was linking back to). I have kept this routine going since I started on my 2 main sites and today I average 600 unique visitors per day. This generates a monthly income of £1600 ($2900) and growing. It just shows what is possible if you have a plan, follow it religiously and avoid the short cuts which never work anyway.

    • Ryan
    • 18th July 2008

    I get these emails all the time, my worry is that someone will end up falling for this type of thing.

    Example: “Within 15 minutes you will have your own website traffic generator that will bring in an ever increasing amount of hits to your websites!”

    And the other type you normally get is “Top of Google for £80/month” – Obvious scam to most of us, but the lay person reading about SEO for the first time through one of these emails might not see the abrurdity and actually sign up!