If Alan Partridge was talking about the Internet…


alan partridge web designIn this post I intend to comment on, complain and – dare I say – inform you readers (you know who you are…mum) about some issues and occurrences relating to web design, SEO and other things we’ve come across or know about, using the medium of Partridge!

I’ll freely admit I have a reasonably unhealthy obsession with Alan Partridge. This was reignited after a visit to see Steve Coogan live at the SECC in early December, he was absolutely fantastic with a performance including all of his old favourite characters and then onto the greatly anticipated Partridge after the intermission.

So here we go, 10 Internet related comments inspired by one Mr Alan Partridge:

audioI’m leaving you, you cow!

Using this expression when deciding to switch web design/web development company due to lack of good service or that ‘valued customer’ feeling. One of the most important things, we find, is that a customer is kept up-to-date with their project and made to feel valued. Otherwise you could risk a dramatic leaving scene!

audioNeedless to say, I had the last laugh.

Just about every win in the SERP’s or success online should involve this phrase. “So they went ahead and started selling the same products as me using an easy build template, whereas I put some effort into getting the website done professionally and getting it just right……..Needless to say I had the last laugh.”

audioI am technically a guest and you have failed to control me.

The moderation of forums for those rogues out there, who just wish to come on and leave abuse or spam, is ultimately the Admin’s responsibility, get on top of it! This is reasonably important if it’s a big part of your business, there are things like profanity filters but ultimately keep it well policed.

audioDan! Dan! Dan! Dan!

That feeling of not quite being an ‘in’ member just yet, to your online community of bloggers etc. It is actually a good idea to ‘get involved’ in social networking circles, that’s not to say you won’t start out as a ‘Nigel no Mates’ to begin with, but stick in there and you’ll make some acquaintances.

audioLet battle commence

Finally reaching page 1 on Google and realising that you’re now up against the big boys. Or any other healthy competition.

audioSo, ehh, d’you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or maintain the same speed?

That feeling when you’ve come up with a new animation, design, video, interactive element on prime position on your website and you’ve no idea how it’s going to be taken or how people will react to it.

audioNever throw water on a fat fire, it’ll take yer face off

Try not to publish anything on a whim that may seem controversial (or downright stupid), run it by some trusted people first and avoid losing face.

audioThese are sex people!

Investigate fully who you are linking to, they may be from an unwanted industry!


Hitting the nail on the head, first time, with a clients’ web design.

audioYou are bang wrong!

Get in there and disagree with others on discussion boards when you disagree with them, debate is good for the soul.

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  1. @Colin – haha, I had to vito some of the one’s I wanted to use!

    @David – There will be a follow up post in the next week which I’ve already written, which may include a phrase you mentioned 😉

  2. Nice collection. A few additions:

    “No way you big spastic, you’re a mentalist!”

    – Response to people trying to sell links on your flagships.

    “Just people. I just hate the general public”

    “Back of the net!”

    – Response at getting to position one.

    “I’m just destroying my cereals.”

    – Response to getting sandboxed.

    “Lynne, some of these people have come from Stoke.”

  3. @Colin Foster of Partridgeshire : Very good, we love that you are participating in our blog (finally) but maybe you would consider cleaning them up 😉

    • Colin Foster of Partridgeshire
    • 21st April 2009


    Work with your clients and understand their requirements and wishes to produce a website which suits them best.

    • Colin Foster of Partridgeshire
    • 20th April 2009

    “I’m 43, you cheeky git”.

    Always good to have a fresh, distinctive image for your website.